Im really sorry for all the hurt and pain I caused you. You did nothing wrong and I can’t help but feel all this guilt knowing I screwed you over and screwed up any chances I had with you if I had any to begin with. I just want a do over. I know you’ve changed and im aware that i’ve changed as well but I just want a chance. You didn’t deserve any of the problems my insecurities created and I know im far too late and you’ve told me on multiple occasions but I can’t deal with the fact I fucked up a good, no, GREAT thing. Maybe some of your friends can convince you but it sucks crying over a situation you have no control over. I remember the first time you kissed me, our first date when we went to the movies, the fact that you got me to hold hands with you in public when I HATE PDA but you changed that and you changed a lot. I even remember breaking up with you at te school on my way to practice. You don’t know this but I didn’t practice, I cried the whole time. I try repressing everything and avoiding any of your things but I still hold on to your teddy bear and look at your facebook because I can’t handle the thought of us actually being done. I’ve realized that for someone who hates being left, I leave a lot and thats not okay but just remember that you said you would never leave and that you would prove me wrong but look where we’re at now. I just want this to reach you somehow and although you know most of these things, you don’t know how much regret and grief I have to deal with everytime I see you. I am sorry Haden and this is my public apology to you for all the bullshit I put you through but you meant a lot  to me and to be honest, you still do. 

Im still stuck on my ex. I fucked up and I fucked up bad.